End of the Year Thoughts

  2015 is almost over. Overall, it was another blah year. The only major highlight was Gen Con. Other than that it's been little more than work, home, work, home, bills and dealing with medical issues. My last colonoscopy produced only a benign polyp that was removed. The CT scan showed an enlarged lymph node deep in my abdominal region. They're going to do a PET scan to try to determine whether it's enlarged due to some minor gastric problem or cancer. Let's hope for the former. My weight's been on the rise again. I weighed 321lbs. at the oncologist's office. I have to get this under control. If I keep this shit up, I'll be over 400lbs. this time next year.
  2016 looks like it's going to be a nothing year like the rest. My whole life's been a series of nothing years. There won't be anything on the relationship front. Why would any woman be interested in a bloated fuckwad like me? I'm going to try to go to Gen Con again. I've marked off the dates for badge, hotel and event registration and put in a request to get the latter two days off. I've been paying down my credit card and shunting money into my Google Wallet and Amex Serve accounts. Hopefully everything will work out.

Terminal Virginitis

  I'm going to be a virgin my whole fucking life. Not by choice, mind you, but because women find me utterly, wholly and completely repellent. I'm not at the bottom of sexual desirability totem pole, I'm several miles beneath it. I'd have to put in considerable effort if I want to move up to the lofty score of zero. It makes me wish that I could excise all the sexual thoughts, urges and fetishes from my brain. All they do is remind me of things I'll never have or experience like an intimate relationship, kinky sex or even vanilla sex for that matter. Not that I deserve any of that being the worthless piece of shit that I am. I'd be better off as a sexless, lobotomized freak. Odds are I'd be happier or at least so brain dead I'd no longer care. Hell, I'm already part way there because like about half the men my age, I suffer from some degree of erectile dysfunction. My cock just isn't what it used to be. But since I'm never going to have sexual relations with a woman, it hardly fucking matters. It could shrivel up and fall off and my sex life would go from virtually nonexistent to simply nonexistent.

My Last Rant on this Subject

  My sex life is nonexistent. It is always going to be nonexistent. With that in mind, I've decided to make this my last rant on this topic. After this, I won't write about it anymore. As any regular reader here knows, women are utterly and completely disinterested in me. I am the ultimate omega male. There many reasons for this.
  1. I'm not particularly handsome. Let's face facts, I'm a dumpy, possibly balding fuck. My looks pretty much scream genetic defective.
  2. Despite a college degree, I work as a wage slave in a grocery store doing a job a retarded monkey could probably pull off. Whatever potential I had was wasted due to laziness and stupidity on my part. A B.S. in chemistry and nothing to show for it.
  3. I never left home. That's right, dear insouciant reader, yours truly still lives with his parents. If there's anything guaranteed to both turn women away and keep them away, it's this.
  4. No woman wants to deal with someone as sexually inexperienced as I am. Being a virgin at my age is proof positive of how undesirable I am to the opposite sex. Hell, I couldn't get laid at a heterosexual nymphomaniacs convention.
  5. While it might appear at times that I seem to be a happy person, deep down I'm a bitter, cynical individual that tends to regard humanity as little more than a large group of vicious animals. There are times when I sincerely believe that the only reason other people exist is so they can metaphorically shit all over me.
  6. I'm a nothing and a nobody. I'm so far beneath contempt it's a wonder the rest of humanity even bothers to acknowledge my existence.
  7. Too much fantasizing has severely skewed what I want in a potential mate. I cling to an image of a desirable woman that is unachieveable. Expecting any woman to become my perfect mate, especially given how woefully inadequate I am is the height of arrogance. I have no right to hold anyone to standards I have so miserably failed to achieve.
  Taken singly, none of these physical and character flaws would necessarily prevent me from finding that special someone. However, the whole is far, far greater than the sum of its parts. Each defect augments and magnifies the others rendering said whole wholly, completely and utterly unpalatable to the fairer sex. I'm surprised they don't become physically ill whenever I'm around.
  So ends my final rant on this matter.

Asocial Personality Disorder

  I've never been a very sociable person. I tend to keep to myself most of the time. People tend to get somewhat weirded out on those rare occasions when I get talkative. I don't associate much with my fellow coworkers. I don't like being at social gatherings where I don't know anyone because I have a hard time talking to people I don't know. Being a random person at a rock concert is fine because everyone's attention is focused on the stage. This lack of sociability is the main reason I make no attempts at dating. Dating involves putting yourself out there and essentially advertising yourself. This works fine if you have something worth advertising. I have nothing worth advertising. I'm not a happy person by nature. I pride myself on being a cynical fuck that sees humans as the often vicious animals we are. I keep a lot of hate and anger inside me. This hate and anger gets evenly split. Half of it I turn on myself. The other half gets spewed at whatever's pissing me off at the moment. I regard this as a fair split since I'm responsible for most of the shit that fucks with my life here on this miserable little turd ball of a planet. This anger and hate is always just below the surface. It seeps out in small ways whenever I feel like people or events are deliberately fucking with me. My body language and attitude convey a subtle 'I have no desire to suffer your presence. Please fuck off and die.' message that drives people away. When you're like this most of the time, people avoid talking to you. Despite my desire to find some female companionship, I genuinely feel that it's best that I remain alone. With the exception of the times I've spent with my few close friends, being alone is usually when I'm happiest. I'm just not good around people.

Another P.T.T. Moment Revised

  While being a complete and utter nobody that no woman would ever want to fuck has its disadvantages, there are some positive aspects to it.
  1. I have virtually no chance of contracting an STD. Hell, the only way I could get AIDS is from contaminated blood.
  2. I'll never have to deal with alimony, palimony or prenups.
  3. No unwanted pregnancies.
  4. Any genetic defects present in my DNA die with me.
  5. I'm not contributing to the overpopulation of the world.
  6. I'll never have to worry about being stalked by a crazy ex-lover.
  7. No marriage means no divorce.
  8. I get to fuck both Valentine's Day and Sweetest Day in the ass with a razor wire dildo.
  9. If I suffer from erectile dysfunction at some point in the future, it won't be that big a deal. I have yet to have sex with a woman. It's unlikely that I ever will have sex with a woman. Where's the loss? I'd go from having virtually no sex life to having no sex life. Things would hardly change.
  10. I'll never have to worry about my ability to please a woman sexually because no woman will ever want to have sex with me. Think of all the stress I'll be avoiding as a result.
  11. I'll also be saving money because I'll never have to go through any dating or courting rituals trying to win over a woman that finds me repugnant. They don't want to deal with me. I stay away from them. It's a win-win all around.
  12. I'll never have to deal with the scrutiny of  any woman's friends or relatives regarding my status as a potential mate. More stress relief.
  13. Since I've never had sex, I don't know what it's like. And you can't really miss something you've never had. As the saying goes, "Ignorance is bliss.". If that's the case, then as far as sex goes, I'm one blissed out motherfucker.
  14. I never have to deal with a jealous mate. I can look at all the women I want and collect fetish photos and DVDs with impunity.
  15. I never have to worry about my girlfriend cheating on me because, let's face it, no woman is ever going to want that position. I'm going to be alone my whole fucking life.
  16. According to a recent newspaper article, it costs about $280,000.00 to raise a child today. Since the likelihood of me ever becoming a father is pretty much nonexistent, I'll never have to bear this cost. That means more money for me. If I play my cards right maybe I can use said saving to pay for a trip to Australia. I've always wanted to go there.
  17. Treating erectile disfunction costs money. But since the odds of my having sex is zero, I don't need to spend the money. More savings for me.
  I'm sure there are other positive aspects to being a worthless, miserable nonentity like me. If I think of any more, I'll edit them into this blog post. This has been another Polishing the Turd moment brought to you by the Fellowship of The Eternal Dobbs Pipe. May the Luck Plane align in your favor.

The Soulmate Myth

  Some people believe that everyone in the world has a soulmate. That special someone that's ideally suited to them and is their perfect mate. This is complete and utter fucking bullshit. This is a myth perpetuated by dating sights and services in order to get your money. Don't get me wrong, some people do find that special someone and have truly happy and fulfilled lives with them. But to believe that EVERYONE has a soulmate is mind numbingly naive. The only guarantee in life is that you'll eventually die. Most people never find that special someone. They end up simply finding someone that they can tolerate and that will tolerate them and go on to have a fairly mediocre existence. Others, like me, just give up altogether and stop searching. What's the point? What is the motherfucking point? Why should I engage in a completely pointless and futile act that will only end in failure? If there was a point in my life when I was at my peak, it's long since past. Even at this so called peak I wasn't much. Now that I'm in the inexorable slide towards death, it doesn't make much sense to waste my remaining time here hoping to find some woman interested in spending time with me. If I'm pretty much going to be alone for the rest of my life, then so be it. Like I said before, I've done plenty of things alone.

Open Letter to the Universe

  I'm tired of having my insignificance in the grand scheme of things rubbed in my face all the time. The same goes for my inability to attract women. I'm sick of being reminded that my life's not even worth shit. I'm a nobody and I don't matter. I get it. I'm less than nothing. A nonentity. Message received. Now get the fuck off my back. I'll make you a deal. Leave me alone and I'll stay here and wallow in the pathetic mediocrity that is my life. 'Kay? I won't try and be the somebody I know I'm not.

A P.T.T. Moment

For me, Valentine's Day is a day I can ignore with impunity. I don't have to buy any gifts, watch chick flicks or do anything even remotely romantic. I can be a self centered prick and get away with it. Most guys can't pull that off. They have to make nice with their significant others and play their little love games. And if they fail, no sex, probably for quite a while if they really screw things up. Me? I have no one so I never have to play these silly little romantic games. Not now, not ever. Not being in a relationship means doing what I want when I want. It means I don't have to run the gauntlet of her friends to see if I meet up to their standards. The same goes for her relatives. I don't have to worry about what she'll think of my eccentricities and fetishes because she doesn't exist. Yup, I've got it made. This polishing the turd moment has been brought to you by the Malkavian Madness Network. All madness, all the time.

You're Welcome Ladies

To all you ladies out there that are tired of less than ideal guys hitting on you, you can rest assured that I never will. I'm well aware of the fact that you want nothing to do with me so I leave you all alone. I know all too well that there are a lot of self deluded guys out there that think they can get any woman they want when, in fact, all they do is make you sick to your stomach. They just don't get the hint that you don't want them around. These omega males actually think that they're somebody. I'm not that fucking stupid. I'm fully aware of my nonentity status. I know that I don't stand a chance in the dating scene so I don't waste your time or mine. I leave you ladies alone so you can find a suitable person to hook up with and for that, you're welcome.