While being a complete and utter nobody that no woman would ever want to fuck has its disadvantages, there are some positive aspects to it.
1. I have virtually no chance of contracting an STD. Hell, the only way I could get AIDS is from contaminated blood.
2. I'll never have to deal with alimony, palimony or prenups.
3. No unwanted pregnancies.
4. Any genetic defects present in my DNA die with me.
5. I'm not contributing to the overpopulation of the world.
6. I'll never have to worry about being stalked by a crazy ex-lover.
7. No marriage means no divorce.
8. I get to fuck both Valentine's Day and Sweetest Day in the ass with a razor wire dildo.
9. If I suffer from erectile dysfunction at some point in the future, it won't be that big a deal. I have yet to have sex with a woman. It's unlikely that I ever will have sex with a woman. Where's the loss? I'd go from having virtually no sex life to having no sex life. Things would hardly change.
10. I'll never have to worry about my ability to please a woman sexually because no woman will ever want to have sex with me. Think of all the stress I'll be avoiding as a result.
11. I'll also be saving money because I'll never have to go through any dating or courting rituals trying to win over a woman that finds me repugnant. They don't want to deal with me. I stay away from them. It's a win-win all around.
12. I'll never have to deal with the scrutiny of any woman's friends or relatives regarding my status as a potential mate. More stress relief.
13. Since I've never had sex, I don't know what it's like. And you can't really miss something you've never had. As the saying goes, "Ignorance is bliss.". If that's the case, then as far as sex goes, I'm one blissed out motherfucker.
14. I never have to deal with a jealous mate. I can look at all the women I want and collect fetish photos and DVDs with impunity.
15. I never have to worry about my girlfriend cheating on me because, let's face it, no woman is ever going to want that position. I'm going to be alone my whole fucking life.
16. According to a recent newspaper article, it costs about $280,000.00 to raise a child today. Since the likelihood of me ever becoming a father is pretty much nonexistent, I'll never have to bear this cost. That means more money for me. If I play my cards right maybe I can use said saving to pay for a trip to Australia. I've always wanted to go there.
17. Treating erectile disfunction costs money. But since the odds of my having sex is zero, I don't need to spend the money. More savings for me.
I'm sure there are other positive aspects to being a worthless, miserable nonentity like me. If I think of any more, I'll edit them into this blog post. This has been another Polishing the Turd moment brought to you by the Fellowship of The Eternal Dobbs Pipe. May the Luck Plane align in your favor.
