War on Christmas Redux pt. 2: Elitist Christian Zealot Assholes

  An article in Happenings magazine tells of a Phoenix Salvation Army bell ringer being assaulted by a woman outside of a Walmart because she said "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas". Can you believe the unmitigated gall of this elitist Christian cunt? Every year at this time, the fascists fucks at Fox News whine about people not kissing their religion's ass, with tongue, because they say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas". They act like saying "Happy Holidays" to them is the equivalent of skull fucking the baby Jesus in front of a bunch of preschoolers. These people, who rant and rave that Muslims are trying to impose Sharia law upon everyone, think nothing of imposing their religious views on everyone. They really need to get over themselves and realize they're not the center of the universe.

Phil Robertson, Fucking Christian Hate Mongering Bigot

  Many opinions have been expressed regarding comments made by Duck Dynasty star, Phil Robertson. A lot of people, most likely fellow right wingers, are defending him and claiming that his free speech rights are being trampled upon. So let's take a look at what he said shall we?

1. Robertson thinks black Americans were treated just fine in the Jim Crow-era South, and that they were happy there. "I never, with my eyes, saw the mistreatment of any black person. Not once. Where we lived was all farmers. The blacks worked for the farmers. I hoed cotton with them. I’m with the blacks, because we’re white trash. We’re going across the field.... They’re singing and happy. I never heard one of them, one black person, say, ‘I tell you what: These doggone white people’—not a word!... Pre-entitlement, pre-welfare, you say: Were they happy? They were godly; they were happy; no one was singing the blues."
2. Robertson thinks the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor because they didn't believe in Jesus. "All you have to do is look at any society where there is no Jesus. I’ll give you four: Nazis, no Jesus. Look at their record. Uh, Shintos? They started this thing in Pearl Harbor. Any Jesus among them? None. Communists? None. Islamists? Zero. That’s eighty years of ideologies that have popped up where no Jesus was allowed among those four groups. Just look at the records as far as murder goes among those four groups."
3. Robertson hates gay people. Robertson in 2010: "Women with women, men with men, they committed indecent acts with one another, and they received in themselves the due penalty for their perversions. They’re full of murder, envy, strife, hatred. They are insolent, arrogant, God-haters. They are heartless, they are faithless, they are senseless, they are ruthless. They invent ways of doing evil."

  First off, he needs to get his facts straight. Hitler and the Nazis believed in God and Jesus. Hitler thought he was doing the Lord's work when it came to exterminating the Jews. He also fails to take into account all the atrocities committed in the Lord's name by His believers. Funny how Christians
always seem to forget about them. He, apparently, has also never spoken to any blacks that lived in
the Jim Crow era South in order to find out just how happy they really were. Chances are their opinions of that era will differ widely from his. And this motherfucking bigoted delusional hate mongering cocksucker just plain despises gay people. He claims that homosexuality leads to bestiality. That's like saying becoming a Christian preacher leads to pedophilia. By the way, isn't Mr. Robertson an ordained preacher? He possesses the same rabid, irrational hatred of them that the Nazis have for the Jews and the Klan has for blacks. And, by the way, you moronic little dipshit, the Klan was one of the reasons why things were so bad for blacks in the Jim Crow era South. Study some fucking history, asshole. While the First Amendment does guarantee free speech rights, it doesn't allow you to defame an entire group of people. It also doesn't mean that A&E has to give you a platform to spew your verbal diarrhea either. Do the world a favor Mr. Robertson, crawl under a rock and die.

The War on Christmas Redux

  Every year during the Christmas season we get people like Bill O'Reilly, Sarah Palin and Fox News in general whining about how the big bad secularists aren't letting Christians plant nativity scenes all over public land. I'm tired of Christians whining that they're not allowed to ram their beliefs down everyone else's throats in violation of the Establishment Clause. Let me make this clear for the Christian apologists out there. THE GOVERNMENT MUST REMAIN NEUTRAL IN REGARDS TO RELIGION!!! It can't favor one religion over the others or favor atheism over religion (or religion over atheism). It's the Establishment Clause that allows U.S. citizens to worship as they see fit. Stop wiping your collective asses with the Constitution every time it inconveniences you, you fucking moronic elitist assholes!! This country belongs to all of us, not just you!!

Cryptozooic & Paranormal TV Shows

  What is it with all these shows about ghosts and Bigfoot and the like? There a complete waste of time. All they consist of is a bunch of people running around like fucking morons while being filmed by low light cameras. No meaningful evidence is ever collected. And it's like this every episode. How do these shows get on TV? One of the latest shows in this genre is Killer Contact. From what I've seen, the paranormal investigators are going to look for the ghosts of people like Jack the Ripper and Vlad the Impaler. The only two things they'll find are jack and shit. In the commercial for the show, one guy is trying to bait the ghost into appearing by acting all tough and aggressive. Of course it's easy to do this when there's nothing there. I almost wish Vlad the Impaler would show up, ram a pole up this guy's ass and put this dumb motherfucker on display just to get him to shut the fuck up. No evidence has ever been presented that definitively proves the existence of either ghosts or cryptozooic  creatures.

Defecation, Rotary Oscillators and I

  Why is it whenever the shit hits the fan, I'm the one in its path? The perfect shit storm of bills came together last month and fucked over my financial situation. Hopefully by the 6th things will be back to some semblance of order. In approximately 4 months time, I should be out from under my Discover Card bill and done with Consolidated. Then I'll have an extra $800.00 a month available for other things and I should be able to build up my checking and savings accounts. I might even be able to shunt some money into my PayPal account.

Open Letter to the Universe

  I'm tired of having my insignificance in the grand scheme of things rubbed in my face all the time. The same goes for my inability to attract women. I'm sick of being reminded that my life's not even worth shit. I'm a nobody and I don't matter. I get it. I'm less than nothing. A nonentity. Message received. Now get the fuck off my back. I'll make you a deal. Leave me alone and I'll stay here and wallow in the pathetic mediocrity that is my life. 'Kay? I won't try and be the somebody I know I'm not.

Religious Exemptions

    Hobby Lobby is trying to get a religious exemption in order to avoid providing contraceptives to its employees covered under their insurance plans. They're claiming that just as corporations are considered people when it comes to free speech, they should be considered people when it comes to religious freedom. I disagree. Corporations aren't people. They're collections of people. People with different opinions and religious beliefs. By making them people, they're giving the heads of these corporations the freedom to impose their religious beliefs on their employees. I'm tired of these cocksucking religious zealots ramming their superstitions down everyone's throats. If you're against contraceptives, don't use them. That's your right. But forcing that belief on others is wrong.

More Fox News Bullshit

  The Colbert Report just had a segment on it about how Fox News has people, using multiple identities, respond to anti Fox comments and blog posts. Apparently they don't have any real fans so they need to hire people to pose as fans. Is there no level that they won't stoop to in order to shove their brand of right wing, racist, homophobic, anti Muslim propaganda down viewers' throats? Is their audience truly that stupid? Yup. If these brain dead motherfuckers' skulls get any denser, they'll collapse in on themselves and become black holes. The Ministry of Truth is trying once again to alter history in order to further their ends. 'Nuff said.

Indulging Myself

  I'm a responsible person for the most part. I make sure my bills get paid. I'm slowly getting rid of my credit card debt and I try to put up the shit life throws at me. However, every once in a while, I need to indulge myself. I need to do something for me. Without these indulgences, my life would become intolerable. My past indulgences include my Scottish claymore, my kilts and my zentais. None of these were necessities. They simply were things I wanted because I wanted them. My latest indulgence is the purchase of a SDCC Torchwood: Miracle Day Soulless mask. This mask set me back $199.00 but it was worth it. I'll post a video of me wearing it when it arrives. The mask is my birthday gift to me. Here are some pics of me wearing my red zentai and Soulless mask.

The GOP is at it again

  Recently, the GOP changed the rules of the House so that only Rep. Eric Cantor or someone he designates, can call for the government to be reopened. Under the original rules, anyone could do this. Here's the video.

GOP Rule Change

The Enslaver (A Short Story)

  This is a short story I wrote for a contest set up by Nicole Kendall on DeviantArt. The setting is the Sweet Gwendoline world created by John Willie. Artist Osvaldo Greco has continued in this tradition with his Perils of Gwendoline comics posted on DeviantArt. The above pic of Helena Petrovka was drawn by him as my prize for winning Nicole's contest.


  Helena Petrovka was one of the leading chemists at DeVyoc Pharmaceuticals. She was, however, underappreciated. Other, lesser minds, were getting credit for their inferior work while she toiled on some of the most cutting edge research in the industry. The main reason for her being treated this way was her views regarding human testing of the new drugs created. She had no qualms about testing potentially dangerous drugs on humans before more was known about possible side effects.
  She was on the verge of being fired when she made an accidental discovery. In her research on drugs for treating mental disorders, she created a drug that made women highly suggestible. She promptly tested the drug on Nicole, her lab assistant and found that she could be programmed to become her sweet little rubber slave. Unfortunately, the effects would start to wear off after a few days and so she had to keep Nicole on the drug in order to maintain control.
  She had a major breakthrough about six weeks later while examining some earlier research regarding the treatment of people with severe phobias. The brains of these people had essentially hardwired links between a particular traumatic incident and some element involved in that incident. Whenever the person encountered that element, said link would trigger the fear reaction. Her new drug, Enslavinol-17, formed those same neurochemical links in the brains of her test subject. She just had to find a way to make them permanent.
  Helena proceeded to use Enslavinol-17 on the women at DeVyoc Pharmaceuticals in order to get greater funding and a larger, all female, staff. With the greater resources at her disposal and an enslaved staff, she was able to create a second drug, Permanendiox HCl that made the neurochemical links formed by Enslavinol-17 permanent. She promptly instituted the creation of an indoctrination plan to form an army of drug enslaved women. Poor Nicole became Mistress Helena's permanently gagged and rubber encased sex doll.
  With her new resources, she opened up a bunch of women only spas staffed by her loyal slaves. Women in the news media, government, industry and other positions of power were invited to try out the new spas. During the spa treatment, they were dosed with Enslavinol-17 and given subliminal instructions that were locked away in their minds. Once the subliminal instructions were implanted, Permanendiox HCl made sure they didn't fade away. These women became her secret minions. They were the ones that would work to fulfill her agenda discreetly.
  She then went about creating her rubber encased female slave army. The women would serve as her security force, house staff and personal sex slaves. These women were programmed with combat techniques as well as any other skills needed for the position they were filling. These women were also turned into serious fetishists that enjoyed being fully encased in skintight latex suits, being gagged virtually all the time, intense bondage and an undying loyalty to their Mistress. Helena even created a special language for her slaves that she called Mmmphian that allowed her slaves to communicate with each other even when heavily gagged.
  Mistress Helena's plans might have succeeded but for one thing. Her sudden rise in status had brought her to the attention of U-89 and her organization. U-89 used her network of contacts to uncover the existence of Enslavinol-17 and Permanendiox HCl and her plans for secretly expanding her influence until she had a presence in nearly every power structure. U-89 managed to secure samples of both drugs and had the lab techs create a drug that blocked the effects of Enslavinol-17. After giving this drug to herself and a cadre of elite female spies, Mistress Petrovka's compound in the Caribbean was raided and she was captured. She currently resides in Cell 43 in U-89's underground prison.
                                           The End

Crash Test Dummy Morphsuit

Here's a short video of me wearing my crash test dummy morphsuit.

Orwellian Zebra Queef Republicans

The ass rapers of the GOP are at it again. These lickers of syphilitic goat taint are denying that they're the ones responsible for the government shutdown despite the fact that 80 of them signed a document stating that they'd do just that if Obamacare wasn't defunded. They're whining on the House floor about how people are being inconvenienced because the panda cam is down and the national parks are closed. Their concern, however, doesn't extend to the poor that are adversely affected by the shutdown. They couldn't care less about them. WIC has been affected by the shutdown, but they show no concern about that. They're way too busy cutting the poor's access to food stamps. It's hard to imagine a group more adept at the Orwellian concepts of doublethink, blackwhite and duckspeak except for the Fox Propaganda Network a.k.a. the Ministry of Truth.

The NHGH's of Life Part 2

I swear sometimes it's like the universe gets off on fucking with me. Work's been shit the past few days. I'm getting so fucking tired of the shit I have to put up with there. The schedule changes at work have me there later in the evening. Most of the time that's not much of a problem but on Saturdays it cuts into my gaming time. By the time I get to the session, more than half of it's over. I won a ticket to the upcoming Oct. 3rd Gwar concert but I can't go due to both having to work and a general lack of money because of my fucked up financial situation. My Outback failed the emissions test necessitating repairs costing about $1,200.00. NHGH just keeps nailing me with that shit eating grin of his and the random factors align in a negative permutation. When will things improve? No matter how much money goes to paying off my credit card debts, the rate at which they're decreasing seems minimal at best. I can't go anywhere or do anything because the money's just not there. I'm frustrated and pissed off more than I'd like to be. I don't need this in my life.

Fucking Maggot Tea Party Republicans

Once again, a bunch of intransigent, dumb fuck Tea Party Republicans have shut down the government. This time it's over the Affordable Care Act. The Republicans have been trying for some time to defund the program. But in typical Republican fashion, they offer nothing to replace it. What really annoys me about these stupid, vicious, uncaring cocksuckers is that while a lot of people are being furloughed because of the shutdown, they're still getting paid. And while they're trying to deny insurance coverage to the average American, they get a Cadillac insurance plan for life. These retarded maggots benefit while the rest of us suffer. I say we start docking their pay and insurance benefits. Say 5% per day. That means that after 20 days, they don't get paid and have no insurance. After that, not only do they not get paid, they have to start paying. Their bank accounts should drained by 5% of the total amount each day. Everything they have should be up for grabs, stocks, bonds, property etc. Once these greedy, corporate ass crack licking, lackeys to their rich overlords start suffering like the rest of us, maybe they'll finally get off their dead fucking asses and do something for a change. Those insouciant right wing verbal diarrhea spewers over at the Fox Propaganda Network are, of course, downplaying the shutdown because it doesn't affect them. It only affects the poor people they so despise. The Republicans want to turn this country into Czarist Russia with the rich at the top along with their government and media lackeys and the rest of us reduced to serf status. We know how well that went for the czars, don't we? These Tea Party Republicans want to keep the rest of us ignorant. They want to lick the shit out of the ass cracks of the rich and fuck the rest of us in our collective asses with razor wire dildos. As long as we're kept ignorant and compliant, we'll get our asses collectively reamed by them. The Tea Party needs to die an ignominious, protracted, painful and humiliating death. Their collective stupidity is ruining this great nation. Please, please, PLEASE go the fuck away.

Still missing you, Bro.

Yesterday marks the third anniversary of my brother Scott's passing. He passed away quietly in his sleep. The day before, we played D&D over at his place. His health hadn't been good. He was tired a lot. He broke away from the session early. When the night's gaming ended, as I was hauling my stuff to my car, he was watching the WWE. The last words he said to me were "See you later, Bro.". I had the next day off so I was in bed when my other brother, Jeff, opened my bedroom door and gave me the news that Scott had passed away. He drove me over to Scott's place. Mom and Dad were already there. Dawn, Scott's wife, called them after she called the ambulance. My last image of him was of him lying peacefully on his bed. He had asked that no one cry over his passing. I couldn't keep that promise. I missed him then. I still miss him now. Wherever you are, Bro, know that I still love you. Mike

Bristol Ren Faire Guardsmen

Rehearsing for a play

Ren Faire Entertainment

A Barber Surgeon & his tools

Here's a video of Bristol's resident barber surgeon, Willy Eaton Drinkmore.

Two Guardsmen

Walking around the Faire

The Queen & her Court

Following a Woodland Fairy

A Trio of Belly Dancers

Ren Faire Drum Jam

This is the drum jam and ends the day at the Bristol Renaissance Faire.

Me at the Ren Faire

Here's a video of me at the Bristol Renaissance Faire on Saturday Aug. 17th, 2013.

Anthony's Wiener

Anthony Wiener needs to get out of politics NOW!! He's clearly a sexual deviant and a complete fucking nutcase. Does he really think people are going to put up with his shit? I swear he's fucking brain damaged. What I want to know is what drives some people to do this stupid shit. ANYTHING YOU PUT OUT ON THE INTERNET IS PRETTY MUCH OUT THERE FOREVER!!! So if you're determined to send people lewd pictures, emails and text messages, send them in a way that only the recipient can view them. Encrypt the motherfuckers before sending them off into cyberspace. Or better yet, don't send them out at all. That way, you won't get in trouble for doing something so goddamned motherfucking idiotic. You'd think with everything politicians and celebrities get caught sending out, they'd be more Internet savvy by now. It almost makes me think that they're doing this deliberately just to get themselves in the news. Are they that narcissistic?

Ass Crack Licking Politicians

The federal government will never pass any meaningful legislation regulating the banking industry. Why? Because most politicians spend far too much time licking the shit out of the top bankers' ass cracks in order to get that precious campaign cash. Politicians are pretty much the ass crack lickers to the rich and the corporations. This has been especially true now that the Supreme Court declared corporations to be people and money to be speech. Now the rich can donate shitloads of both personal and corporate cash and buy all the political power they want. The rest of us are fucked.

The Information Age and Dictatorships

It used to be that all a dictator had to do to prevent information about atrocities committed in their country from getting out was to control the local media outlets and keep outsiders out. That way only the government's views and opinions were disseminated to the populace. Any information they didn't like was brutally and effectively silenced. Now, with the widespread use of social media like Twitter, Facebook, YouTube etc., it's becoming extremely difficult for them to contain said information. Anybody with a cell phone, computer or tablet can be a reporter and let the world know what's going on in their country. Repressive regimes hate social media because it exists outside their country where they can't control it. They can't send secret police squads to Twitter, Facebook, YouTube etc. and co-opt them or shut them down. In Orwell's book 1984, all information was controlled by the Ministry of Truth. It controlled every form of information and could even alter the historical record to serve its ends. Become an unperson and all record of you and your life gets erased. You not only cease to exist, you never existed in the first place. That's pretty much impossible to do in the real world now. There is no way someone could erase all trace of your existence and make you an unperson. There's also no way anyone can completely contain the flow of information anymore. They can install all the Internet filters they want in order to block searches they don't like. People will just find a way around them. Information wants to be free.

Stand Your Ground

The Stand Your Ground laws that exist in this country make it possible to kill another human being and get away with it. This has been made clear with the acquittal of George Zimmerman in the killing of Trayvon Martin. Zimmerman didn't just stand his ground, he hunted down, confronted and killed an unarmed teenager. He did this even though he was told by police not to. Now I don't know what evidence was presented by the prosecution or defense presented in this case, so I can't render a decision on whether or not his acquittal was the right thing to do. My problem with the Stand Your Ground law is that untrained people can end up in situations they're not equipped to handle. Think about it, even trained law enforcement officers and soldiers make mistakes in stressful situations. How much worse is it for someone without their training? In my opinion, Zimmerman should have waited for the police to arrive before confronting Trayvon. Things might have ended differently then.

The Kind of Woman I Want

These photos I found on the web depict the kind of woman I want to have a relationship with.

Happy X-Day

Today is X-Day, the day when all SubGenii hope that the Rupture will occur. If everything works out according to "Bob's" plan, the saucers of the Sex Goddesses will arrive and all dues paying SubGenii will taken off this insignificant little dirtball and the Pinks, Glorps and Mediocretins will suffer the wrath of the Xists. If things don't work out, I'll be heading off to work, ekeing out my Slackless life as a wage slave to the Conspiracy. Whether via the Rupture or via death, at some point in time, I'll be delivered from this world and taken to the Final Punchline. Praise "Bob"!! Hail Connie!! Beware the Grin of NHGH!! Rev. Mike, SubGenius preacher, Jedi minister, Discordian and Pastafarian. Leader and sole member of the Fellowship of The Eternal Dobbs Pipe clench

Westboro Baptists

The Westboro Baptists are a group of hate mongering, inbred religious zealots led by Fred Phelps. These suckers of their nonexistent God's cock run around from place to place railing against homosexuals and anyone that supports homosexuals. Apparently they have nothing better to do than show the world how truly pathetic they are. Any deity that accepts them as worshipers is clearly a brain dead tyrant unfit to be worshipped. One of their more recent rants was against singer Taylor Swift for apparently encouraging her fans to fornicate. If you're looking for a group of people that shouldn't fuck Fred, look no further than you and your followers. The lot of you should be sterilized before you add any new members to your little group of inbred mutants. Heaven, Hell and Earth would all be better places without your lot. Do the world a favor, crawl back under that rock you came from and go back to licking the shit out of your nonexistent God's asshole.

Christian Bigots' Whining

Right now, as I write this, I'm watching the Daily Show. On it, they showed a segment where some Evangelical Christian dipshit was whining about Christians being bullied by homosexuals. He claimed that there were instances where Christians were attacked by homosexuals despite the fact that there was no evidence to support his claims. There is, however, ample evidence that Christians have targeted homosexuals with violence. He also claimed that Christians' free speech rights were being trampled upon making it harder for them to tell everyone that homosexuals are sinners that will burn in Hell. The fact is no one is trampling on their rights. These whiny little fucknuts are just pissed that fewer people are listening to the bigoted diarrhea spewing from their mouths. They're unhappy that people are becoming more tolerant and enlightened instead of being the intolerant superstitious narrow minded ignorant fools they love to control. Face the facts, you're losing the fight. Try crawling out of the Dark Ages and join the rest of us here in the 21st century.

We Want Information.

America is becoming more and more a police state. The news has been reporting that the NSA has been collecting data regarding all the phone calls made by Verizon customers over a period of time. It seems likely that the other phone companies' data has also been collected as well. The NSA is also building some of data storage facility capable of storing zettabytes of data. They claim that they're collecting this data in order to look for patterns that could provide them with information on terrorists. The problem with this is that they're collecting data on way too many people without a legitimate reason to do so. This violates the Fourth Amendment protection against illegal searches and seizures. The Information Age has given rise to the techno-dictatorship. Our government is attempting to gain unlimited access to every information database in the name of fighting terrorism. Given the amount of information that exists on every citizen, the government could potentially find out damn near anything they wanted to about someone. Checks and balances need to be reestablished before things get out of hand. 9/11 should no longer be used as an excuse for taking away our freedom. Big Brother needs a good bitch slap.

In the event of brain death

I want to let it be known that I, Michael Wayne Ursu, am the only person that can post on this blog. No one else has that level of access. This little corner of the Internet is where I occasionally get up on my proverbial soapbox and rant. And the rant of the moment concerns brain death. In the event that I wind up in a persistent vegetative state with no hope of ever coming out of it, LET ME DIE!!! I have no desire to have my brain dead body kept alive if I'm going to be nothing more than a 200+ lbs. slab of meat. Just harvest any organs that can be used to help others and get rid of the rest. I haven't decided yet whether I want to donate my remains to a body farm so they can study how it decomposes or get it flame broiled into ashes. If I were to go with flame broiling, it would be kind of neat if my ashes could be made into a set of gaming dice. That way I could continue to take part in RPG sessions after I shake off this mortal coil. It would be a complete set consisting of 2d2s, 2d3s, 2d4s, 2d5s, 4d6s, 2d7s, 2d8s, 2d10s (with 1 die labelled 0-9 and the other labelled 00-90), 2d12s, 2d14s, 2d16s, 2d20s, 1d24, 1d30, 1d34, 1d50, 1d100 and a set of 4 Fudge dice (these are 6 sided dice with 2 plus signs, 2 minus signs and 2 blank sides on opposite faces). The problem, of course, is how would I get that done? I'm not sure that there are any dice makers out there that would honor such a request. And if they did, what would it cost? But enough of this dice talk. My reason for making this entry is so I can avoid becoming like Terry Schiavo. As you may recall, Terry ended up in a persistent vegetative state and there was a legal battle as to whether she should be kept alive or be allowed to die. Since there was no explicit record of her ever declaring what should be done in this situation, the court case dragged on for about 15 years. So I'm saying it again. If I ever wind up in a persistent vegetative state and there's no hope of me ever coming out of it, LET ME FUCKING DIE!!!

Republican Rebranding

The Republican Party is looking to change its image. They want to make themselves more appealing to minorities, women, young people etc.. Are they fucking kidding us? The party of homophobes, misogynists, anti-science, anti-education, racist, gun nut, religious zealots wants to appeal to more people? This is the party of the rich, by the rich and for the rich. Offer these assholes enough money and they will bend over backwards to suck your cock. Why do you think the gun regulation bill got shot down? The NRA stuck out its cash laden cock and they couldn't suck it fast or hard enough. If the GOP wants to make itself more appealing to a greater portion of the population, here's how they can do it. Disband. It's that simple. Pack up your bags, gather together your propaganda machine and get the fuck out. You clearly don't give a rat's ass about what the people want. You're too busy spreading your lies among your ignorant followers. If this country is to get ahead, you have to go. It's that simple.

The Senate and the NRA

Once again, the Senate has put a wealthy special interest group, the NRA, over the will of the people. They voted against bills that would call for universal background checks on gun purchases, an assault weapons ban and limiting the size of magazine clips. The senators responsible for killing these bills are clearly more interested in sucking the money spewing cocks of the higher ups in the NRA than they are exercising the will of the people. Even the majority of the NRA membership is in favor of these bills but the rulers of the NRA have their collective heads buried so far up the Gun Lobby's ass, they're incapable of listening to their members. This is why the government is so fucked up. They're more interested in money and power than they are in governing properly. This government is a plutocracy, not a democracy. As long as wealthy groups and individuals can buy the government, the rest of us will continue to get fucked anally with a razor wire dildo.

Islam and Porn

"Data collected by Alexa, a subsidiary of Amazon.com that tracks Web traffic around the world, revealed that pornographic sites were among the most visited Internet destinations in Egypt, Tunisia and Lebanon. Five porn sites in Egypt and Lebanon, and seven in Tunisia, broke the list of the top 100 most visited sites in each country, according to Al Arabiya. Two pornographic sites ranked in the top 25 most visited in Egypt. Pornography is forbidden in much of the Islamic world, and Egypt banned online porn last week. Yet some critics said that people will find ways to get their porn fix regardless of government prohibitions." The above quote is from the Huffington Post web site. Don't you just love religious hypocrisy? It seems that when it comes to porn, many followers of Islam are like the followers of Christ. They rant and rave about how porn is evil and that only the morally lax would ever indulge in it then they go home and spend all kinds of time viewing it. Jimmy Swaggart got caught not once, but twice, with porno mags in his possession. Osama bin Laden had porn in his compound. I have nothing against most porn. The only types of porn that should be banned are child porn, necrophilia related porn and bestiality related porn. That stuff is just fucking sick. Most of the rest of it falls into one of two categories, stuff I really like and stuff I don't really get but consider harmless. Despite our delusions of grandeur, we're just animals and like the other animals we have sexual urges. However, being intellectually sophisticated animals, our sexual urges get linked to a wide variety of fetishes and the like. We try to distance ourselves from the other animals but we're not much better than they are and in many ways we're far, far worse. Religionists are especially guilty of delusions of grandeur. They think that they're better than everyone else because they follow such and such religion, but the reality is most are simply hypocrites. Look hard enough and you'll find they're not so squeaky clean.

Steubenville Rape Case

The two teens, Trent Mays, 17, and Ma’lik Richmond, 16, convicted of raping a teenage girl are getting quite a bit of sympathy from the press. Everyone is worried about them being branded sex offenders and how this will affect their future playing football. The press has all this sympathy for these convicted rapists and none for the teenage girl they raped. Does anyone else see the problem here? These two dumb motherfuckers threw their lives and future careers away doing something they knew was wrong. I have no sympathy for them. Rot in jail, you stupid pricks. I hope, I pray that their sex offender status ruins their lives forever. Maybe then they'll get the message. The girl's mistake in this whole matter was getting so drunk that she rendered herself incapable of fighting them off. Then here's the matter of the people that posted videos online regarding this incident. Didn't they know what was going on? They seemed more interested in posting videos than in helping the girl. Are they party to the crime? Should they be prosecuted for their part in all this?

A P.T.T. Moment

For me, Valentine's Day is a day I can ignore with impunity. I don't have to buy any gifts, watch chick flicks or do anything even remotely romantic. I can be a self centered prick and get away with it. Most guys can't pull that off. They have to make nice with their significant others and play their little love games. And if they fail, no sex, probably for quite a while if they really screw things up. Me? I have no one so I never have to play these silly little romantic games. Not now, not ever. Not being in a relationship means doing what I want when I want. It means I don't have to run the gauntlet of her friends to see if I meet up to their standards. The same goes for her relatives. I don't have to worry about what she'll think of my eccentricities and fetishes because she doesn't exist. Yup, I've got it made. This polishing the turd moment has been brought to you by the Malkavian Madness Network. All madness, all the time.

Religious Idiocy

Last Saturday's paper had three short articles in it of a religious nature and yesterday's paper had one. In the first one Amish leader, Samuel Mullet Sr., was found guilty of being the ringleader in a series of hair and beard cutting attacks against fellow members of his faith that defied or denounced his hold over the splinter group he started in 1995. So much for the image of peaceful Amish people. Story two hails from Kano, Nigeria where gunmen belonging to a radical Islamic sect shot and killed at least nine women that were taking part in a polio vaccination drive. Apparently clerics there once claimed that the vaccines were part of a Western plot to sterilize young girls. This is similar to the statements Michelle Bachman made that the HPV vaccine caused mental retardation. Story three takes place in Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea where 20 year old mother, Kepari Leniata was accused of sorcery by relatives of a six year old boy who died in a hospital. She was tortured with a hot iron rod, bound, doused with gasoline, and then set alight on a pile of car tires and trash. Despite happening in broad daylight and in front of hundreds of eyewitnesses, no suspects have been picked up yet. Apparently, witchcraft is often blamed for unexplained misfortunes and sorcery has traditionally been countered by sorcery. Lately, however, responses to allegations of witchcraft have become increasingly violent in recent years. Our last tale comes from Egypt where women protesters and journalists walking in Tahrir Square have been sexually assaulted by gangs of men. It seems that Egyptian society still isn't ready to grant equality to women. In late January, the United Nations had received 25 reports of assaults on women in Tahrir Square in a single week - 19 in a single day. Earlier this month, a public gang rape of two young women was caught on video. The articles author, Reem Abdellatif, was subjected to uninvited remarks about her breasts and body while moving through crowds of men. Some men and self proclaimed Islamists won't look women in the eye because they believe looking at a woman's face is sinful and invites sexual desire. These are just some of the atrocities committed by so called believers. They get their bowels in an uproar whenever something offends their delicate religious sensibilities and they lash out with violence. These moronic twits still believe in sorcery and miracles. Some followers of Islam are apparently unable to control their sexual urges to the point where the simple act of looking at a woman's face gives them terminal boners. And instead of facing up to their own inadequacies, they blame the women and gang rape them. So much for following the Quran.

You're Welcome Ladies

To all you ladies out there that are tired of less than ideal guys hitting on you, you can rest assured that I never will. I'm well aware of the fact that you want nothing to do with me so I leave you all alone. I know all too well that there are a lot of self deluded guys out there that think they can get any woman they want when, in fact, all they do is make you sick to your stomach. They just don't get the hint that you don't want them around. These omega males actually think that they're somebody. I'm not that fucking stupid. I'm fully aware of my nonentity status. I know that I don't stand a chance in the dating scene so I don't waste your time or mine. I leave you ladies alone so you can find a suitable person to hook up with and for that, you're welcome.

Reality TV

What the fuck is it with TV and all these "reality" shows these days? Do the networks think we're morons? Most of these shows aren't reality at all, they're just crap. Take, for example, the Bachelor and the Bachelorette. We're talking grade A prime shit here. All this pseudo drama and heartbreak is bullshit. These narcissists aren't interested in finding true love, they just want their faces plastered all over the TV screen. Give them a little fame now and they'll try to milk it for all they can get. If I were Emperor of the World, I'd have these assholes killed. The gene pool would be better off without them. Then we have the rich fuck shows like Real Housewives of Atlanta and Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Why should we care about a bunch of uppity rich cunts? Anyone watching these shows is being played for a fool. They're getting richer because of you. Ignore them and let them crawl back under whatever gem encrusted rock they crawled out of in the first place. Then we have the shows about repo men. Why? After you see one episode, you've pretty much seen them all. They go around repossessing cars and getting screamed at and threatened by the people as they take them. Everything else is manufactured for the cameras. All in all it's a colossal waste of the viewer's time. Don't get me wrong, there is some genuine reality TV out there. Cops is a prime example. Here we have real cops, real crime and real criminals. No bullshit. The shows detailing life in prison are also good reality shows because nothing's manufactured for ratings. The networks should keep the good shows and scrap the crap.

The NHGHs in one's life

You're probably wondering what I'm referring to when I talk about the NHGHs of life. In SubGenius lore, NHGH a.k.a. He who named himself, embodies the unspeakable Dark Side of "Bob" which dwells within his dots. He is the ultimate lingering houseguest that will never leave. NHGH doesn't kill you or ruin your life. He ruins an hour or a decade at most. Needless to say, NHGH, like every other god, demon, angel or whatnot, was created by man. When I talk about the NHGHs of life, I'm talking about those things that fuck it up periodically. Things like that annoying cocksucker of a coworker that goes out of the way to make your shift miserable. The car battery that conveniently fails right before New Year's Eve ruining your plans to get together with friends. The computer that mysteriously won't turn on anymore. These, and many other things, are the NHGHs of life. And there's nothing you can do to completely get rid of them. Why? Because more always crop up. Get rid of one NHGH and others will take its place. It's a no win scenario. All you can do is hope that the Slack plane will realign in a positive permutation for you every once in a while. Hope that the smiling face of J.R. "Bob" Dobbs banishes the Grin of NHGH at least temporarily. And if you're wondering what NHGH looks like, check out the Mask of NHGH post elsewhere in this blog. This is the Right Reverend Mike, Head Slackmaster of the Fellowship of The Eternal Dobbs Pipe signing off.

NRA: Delusional Paranoids

The NRA's response to the Newtown massacre was typical NRA. Their adamant refusal to accept ANY form of firearms regulation is indicative of a raging paranoia gripping the upper echelons of this organization. They're absolutely certain that our government is going to become tyrannical and they're the only thing standing in the way of that tyranny. Let this old SubGenius preacher man paint a hypothetical scenario for our more paranoid NRA members. If the government decides to go fascist, your firearms won't amount to shit. Why? Because not only does the government have a sizable collection of firearms and ammo, they've got tanks, combat jets, LAWs rockets, surface to air missiles, air to surface missiles, etc., etc. You're collective asses will simply get blown off the map. And your ad about Pres. Obama's children having Secret Service guards was ludicrous. The President is one of the most important people in the world. He has access to highly sensitive, top secret information. Of course his family going to be heavily guarded. Your argument is fucking asinine. Then there's the statement the NRA made stating "The answer to a bad man with a gun is a good man with a gun." Got any evidence to support your statement? So far I haven't heard shit. You'd think they'd be parading out these examples if they had them. It would surely support their argument. So where are they? Now I'm not railing against the entire NRA membership, only those with paranoid delusions. The ones that jack off while reading Guns & Ammo magazine and have Dirty Harry fantasies. Get out of your post apocalyptic bunkers and smell the reality. Firearms were designed to kill period. Not everyone should be allowed to have firearms and those that can possess them should receive proper training. Military style firearms should be left to the military.