Asocial Personality Disorder

  I've never been a very sociable person. I tend to keep to myself most of the time. People tend to get somewhat weirded out on those rare occasions when I get talkative. I don't associate much with my fellow coworkers. I don't like being at social gatherings where I don't know anyone because I have a hard time talking to people I don't know. Being a random person at a rock concert is fine because everyone's attention is focused on the stage. This lack of sociability is the main reason I make no attempts at dating. Dating involves putting yourself out there and essentially advertising yourself. This works fine if you have something worth advertising. I have nothing worth advertising. I'm not a happy person by nature. I pride myself on being a cynical fuck that sees humans as the often vicious animals we are. I keep a lot of hate and anger inside me. This hate and anger gets evenly split. Half of it I turn on myself. The other half gets spewed at whatever's pissing me off at the moment. I regard this as a fair split since I'm responsible for most of the shit that fucks with my life here on this miserable little turd ball of a planet. This anger and hate is always just below the surface. It seeps out in small ways whenever I feel like people or events are deliberately fucking with me. My body language and attitude convey a subtle 'I have no desire to suffer your presence. Please fuck off and die.' message that drives people away. When you're like this most of the time, people avoid talking to you. Despite my desire to find some female companionship, I genuinely feel that it's best that I remain alone. With the exception of the times I've spent with my few close friends, being alone is usually when I'm happiest. I'm just not good around people.

The Soulmate Myth

  Some people believe that everyone in the world has a soulmate. That special someone that's ideally suited to them and is their perfect mate. This is complete and utter fucking bullshit. This is a myth perpetuated by dating sights and services in order to get your money. Don't get me wrong, some people do find that special someone and have truly happy and fulfilled lives with them. But to believe that EVERYONE has a soulmate is mind numbingly naive. The only guarantee in life is that you'll eventually die. Most people never find that special someone. They end up simply finding someone that they can tolerate and that will tolerate them and go on to have a fairly mediocre existence. Others, like me, just give up altogether and stop searching. What's the point? What is the motherfucking point? Why should I engage in a completely pointless and futile act that will only end in failure? If there was a point in my life when I was at my peak, it's long since past. Even at this so called peak I wasn't much. Now that I'm in the inexorable slide towards death, it doesn't make much sense to waste my remaining time here hoping to find some woman interested in spending time with me. If I'm pretty much going to be alone for the rest of my life, then so be it. Like I said before, I've done plenty of things alone.